Tag Archives: stuart vallantine

…And a Font-Filled New Year

31 Dec

I can’t think of a nicer way to spread cheer and to end the year than mentioning an old chum from my childhood.

Every card of Stuart's topically features our local landscape. Here's the monstrous IKEA too!

Every card of Stuart’s topically features our local landscape. This year’s features the monstrous IKEA too!

Stuart Vallantine (can tell you himself) that he hasn’t always had an easy ride in life. A few years younger than me,  this wonderful lad first presented himself to the world as a bit of an unusual wee dude. Stuart lived around the corner from me and I spent many an hour in church, trying to keep a lid on the enthusiastic little boy’s outbursts during really dull sermons. He used to hook onto something said by the minister and then start reciting adverts from the telly that used the same word or terminology. Great fun to be around – as he really annoyed old ladies who took the Old Testament just a tad bit too seriously and who failed to appreciate the nuances of British Telecom commercials.stuart-2013-xmas-card

Anyway. The merry / melancholic season just isn’t the same unless I received a hand-drawn card by Stu (no pressure there, our kid.) So I wanted to nudge you towards his story and his website.  stuart-xmas1

Stuart hardly needs more followers; he is probably the most successful, proudly autistic-blogger in the UK. But if you *do* want to find out a bit more about Stuart, his life, his artwork, his politics, Stalybridge Celtic, 70’s and 80’s pop, his writing and poetry, plus the public transport history of the Mancunian area – then please, put your feet up and check out his blog.

A previous year's - worship of waterways too.

Oh. And the ‘font’ bit? Stuart is an expert on fonts. He really is a national treasure.

So where’s his ruddy OBE then? I’m sure Stuart would have an interesting political answer for that one.

Have a great 2017 and go see https://mancunian1001.wordpress.com/

 

 

 

 

More talent in this little finger than most of that lot on the Honours List. Really!

More talent in his little finger than most of that lot on the Honours List. Really!

Golcar Lily; Have Yer Potato An’ Eat it

20 May

To be honest with you, I didn’t fancy attending the Golcar Lily Day. Mainly because of the look that flickered across my other half’s face when he heard that there might be an appearance of Morris Dancers. I’ve no idea why, but as he’s gotten older he’s developed an aversion to anyone who wears straw boaters and jangles their bells and sticks at you.

Two of the nicest Morris Dancers in the world. Honest!

Two of the nicest Morris Dancers in the world. Honest! Even if the fella in the flat cap looks a bit dubious…

But hey, we’ve all recently developed a bit of a soft spot for Golcar (pronounced ‘Gow-kuh’ by the locals) which nestles in the Colne Valley of west Yorkshire. And what with the promise of ‘the best chips in the world’, he was prepared to put up and shut up.

So what’s the story behind Golcar Lily Day? Various theories propound as to why the area is associated with this particular flower. My personal favourite is the one that relates to that old firebrand Methodist missionary, John Wesley. Wesley was said to have been somewhat smitten by the ladies of Golcar when he visited the area in the 18th century. Indeed, he compared them with certain other villagers of Huddersfield – remarking that they were “as gentle as Lilies when compared with the uncouth & ignorant peoples of Bolster Moor & Scapegoat Hill.” And for sure, the lasses of Golcar certainly seem to have a way about them, because on Saturday I noticed an awful lot of heavily pregnant women.

If you’re into your history and your traditions and all of that, then there is information a-plenty thanks to Google. But you’d be mistaken to think that Golcar Lily Day is some sort of ancient tradition in the area. Dear me no. The festival was actually the inspiration of a local woman, only some ten years ago. One of those all-round good eggs who not only had a great idea, but who rolled up her sleeves and dragged the rest of the community along with it.

Tuggin' Me Tractor

Tuggin’ Me Tractor

It’s a decade later now and a certain west Yorkshire hillside village with the most gob-smacking panoramic views going, is now so popular on Golcar Lily Day that they have to provide a Park and Ride facility from Scapegoat Hill (which if you ask me, is somewhat foolish because if you believe what John Wesley said about those residents, they’d probably nick your car. Or be unable to drive the buses down the hill because they’re like, sooo ignorant.)

Once we’d braved the Morris Dancers (who were actually superb, even though my bloke had to hide behind the parish church wall for twenty minutes) we were on a roll for the rest of the day. Never had the phrase ‘Good Old Fashioned Family Fun’ been more appropriately used. We were treated to tractor pulling, flat cap throwing, cup of tea races, belly dancing, a coconut shie and Punch n’ Judy. We had a sneaky preview of the Colne Valley Museum before it re-opens after refurbishment and we ate the Golcar Lily Loaf that the ladies in their 19th century frocks were baking on the range for us. We necked a drinky at the dinky but delectable Golcar Brewery. We bought second-hand books, we scoffed the best-chips-in-the-world from The Duck and Spoon, we sampled pies, cheeses, hot dogs. We engaged in healthy activities such as archery and bouncy castles and we categorically LIED to the children about the fact that there was a massive fun fair just around the corner (“Mum – where’s all that loud music coming from?” “Ah, it’s from those uncouth neighbours up the road in Bolster Moor. They’ll be having an ASBO on them by tea time, no doubt.”)

My oldest n’ dearest bus-obsessed chum, the extraordinary and rather-famous Stuart Vallantine caught a total of 6 buses to and from East Manchester in order to attend the day-out. Between us, we all agreed that in fact, there was far too much going on in order to be able to experience all of the funsome activities in one day; a dearth of pop-up cafes, concerts, stalls and curiosities such as the Golcar Lily Ginnel Trail. Indeed, we were left feeling rather light-headed due to the fact that the entire event is free. Yup. Totally free. Brings tears to a Yorkshire-person’s eyes dunnit?

All this. And you paid nowt.

All this. And you paid nowt.

My favourite moment occurred during one of the many concerts on offer to the public. Colne Valley Boys Choir are the most wonderful troop of local lads. Aged from 6 to 18, the boys are trained by top-class musicians, fellas who – unusually – are not remotely interested in the airs and graces of your usual choirs. And the boys just love to sing; they love the fact that they get to choose their own songs and that no one teks the mick at school (because they’re allowed to sing cool songs, y’see?) Anyway, ten minutes into the performance the choir master explained to the audience that the next song was supposed to be led by a soloist. But the lad hadn’t turned up yet. The choir master wondered aloud whether anyone had seen him. A helpful member of the crowd shouted out; “I noor! Ee’s ‘avin’ a putaytuh outseed!” (translation for non-northerners: “I know! He’s eating a baked potato outside.”)

Anyway, a kind member of the public managed to locate the recalcitrant youth, who was soon ushered into the building sans nosh and yet who still managed to regale us with a beautiful solo.

Colne Valley Boys. And not a potato in sight.

Colne Valley Boys. And not a potato in sight.

No one batted an eyelid at this. Nor when another lad turned up late, having forgotten his uniform. He just took his place alongside the rest of the boys. And the performance was only enhanced by this down to earth, ‘we do it – just because we love it’ attitude. Perhaps this phrase marks the true spirit of the Golcar Lily Day – and of the place itself.

And whilst I think on, perhaps it could also apply as to why there seem to be so many pregnant ladies in the village….

West Yorkshire’s *real* Happy Valley?

Even Golcar ginnels have views...

Even Golcar ginnels have views...

Lilies in Wellies. Pure Golcar.

Lilies in Wellies. Pure Golcar.

Scotland, Dragons and Don’t Be a Div…

18 Sep

Families divided over whether Scottish question will be resolved by a YES or a NO vote!

Even in England! Even in our Yorkshire and Lancashire neck of the woods! A region of prolific debate and considered discourse … (especially when we start talking about whether you call a certain breaded product a ‘bap’, a ‘teacake’ or a ‘muffin.’)

A spat between siblings on the walk to school over the Scottish question again.

Here the 6 yr old ended up sulking because “If Scotland leaves us – that will be rubbish. As we won’t be able to get dragons anymore.”

Older sister told him to “Stop being a div. The red dragon thingy is all to do with the Welsh.”

Smaller child not happy about this. Hence the sourpuss face…

Yes or No? Dragons from Scotland - or Wales? A muffin or a teacake?

Yes or No? Dragons from Scotland – or Wales? A muffin or a teacake?

But, hell. If you want to read something more considered and more in relation to the thorny question – please go and read the blog of one of my best buddies in the world. Our kid from the next street in Mucky Duki.

The amazing Stuart Vallantine… http://bit.ly/1qhgRrs